


Damned on Our Own Terms

by knowyourincantations



Series: Femslash February 2019 [17]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Background Blaise/Theo, Battle of Hogwarts, Changing Allegiances, Don't copy to another site, F/F, Face Slapping, Fear, Hopeful Ending, Implied Forced Marriages, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Such as:, hopelessness, mentions of dark topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:56:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17832500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knowyourincantations/pseuds/knowyourincantations
Summary: There was a low mutter and Pansy clenched her hands into fists by her sides.“This castle is our home too,” she said. “A better home for more of us than we’d like to admit. We have to fight.”She could see some people nodding, but many more were shaking their heads. It was a lost cause. And she wasn’t brave enough to go up there on her own.





	Damned on Our Own Terms

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Femslash February 2019, Day 17 Prompt 'Damned'.
> 
> Some of the tags are mainly only vague allusions, but tagging on the safe side.

Pansy paced the room. Above them, they could hear the muted sounds of battle. No one had come to fetch them after sending them down to the common room, and at this point it wasn’t likely anyone would. She had expected someone to give Potter up to end things fast, but she had clearly underestimated everyone’s resolve.

And she’d clearly made an incredibly stupid tactical error. She could only blame her own fears. It wasn’t even about hating Potter. No, it was just all too likely a battle in the castle would result in many of them being killed.

But if they were going to get killed anyway, she’d rather die fighting.

“We have to go up there and help,” she finally said.

Several of the others looked her way, but no one spoke. They didn’t even ask which side she meant to fight for. They probably thought they knew. Much like she had once thought she’d known. But Potter showing up so boldly and no one giving him up when he was vastly outnumbered? No, that changed things.

It took all those awful things they all pretended would end once the war ended and brought them front and centre. She was forced to examine it all and make a choice. She wasn’t going to cower in the dungeons until one side or the other won or the fighting spilled down to them. She’d already heard enough about the Dark Lord’s willingness to harm his own followers if it benefited him. It wouldn’t surprise her now if he brought the whole castle down on top of them just on the off chance it would kill Potter.

Everything had changed.

“We have to fight for Hogwarts,” she said more strongly, looking around, trying to catch as many eyes as she could. Draco wasn’t here, it was up to her to lead. And maybe it was better he wasn’t here, he was so beaten down now that she doubted he’d dare.

“We have to get up there and do something,” she repeated when still no one said anything. “We can’t just wait for it to end and not pick a side.”

“What does it matter anymore?” Daphne said numbly from where she leaned against the wall by the door. “We’re damned either way. If we fight for _him_ and he loses, then we’ll be damned to Azkaban. If we fight for him and he wins, we’re damned as well. I can’t imagine any of us have failed to notice that more and more purebloods have been suffering too. If we fight for Potter and he loses, we’re dead. And if we fight for Potter and he wins, we’ll still be damned because of who we are. They won’t care that we helped in the end, they’ll just call us opportunistic and throw us in Azkaban with the rest. Face it, there’s no good option here and we have nothing to fight for now.”

The dungeon room echoed with the sound of a sharp slap. For good measure, Pansy slapped her again.

“Nothing to fight for?” she demanded. “You really believe that?”

Daphne held her face and looked at her with wide eyes. Even though it hurt Pansy to harm her, at least it had pulled her from her stupor. Pansy stepped closer and lowered her voice.

“You know what will happen if the Dark Lord wins. We’ll be married off to whoever he picks for us. We’ll be abused, you’ve heard the stories. You think they’ll stop at mudbloods? You think they’ve been limiting themselves thus far?”

With a sharp inhale, Daphne closed her eyes. One of those stories was about her mother, and Pansy regretted her words at once for causing her pain. But she couldn’t do this alone. She couldn’t walk out and fight on her own. And she couldn’t bear the future waiting for her if the Dark Lord won. Not now that she finally understood the truth of things.

“I’d rather die fighting for Potter than live in the world we all know is coming if the Dark Lord wins.” She looked around the room. Everyone appeared to be listening. This was her moment, and unlike that blunder in the Great Hall, she couldn’t screw this up. She couldn’t let fear control her like Draco had. “We’ve all been on the wrong end of their wands, and that was when they were still trying to get us to join them. What do you think will happen once they don’t need us anymore? Once the war is won? I’d say that the Dark Lord has shown his true colours now, and it’s nothing like what we were told.”

There was a low mutter and Pansy clenched her hands into fists by her sides.

“This castle is our home too,” she said. “A better home for more of us than we’d like to admit. We have to fight.”

She could see some people nodding, but many more were shaking their heads. It was a lost cause. And she wasn’t brave enough to go up there on her own.

In a last, desperate move, she turned to Daphne again and stepped closer, lowered her voice further.

“If the Dark Lord wins we will _never_ be together,” she said softly. “We’ll be married off and then if they find out we were ever together, I don’t even want to image what they’d do to us. We’re just objects to them and they already think they own us. They’ve probably already picked out their brides, just waiting for the Dark Lord to hand us off to them.”

Daphne shuddered and shook her head. “I’m scared, Pansy,” she whispered.

Pansy took her hands. “Me too,” she admitted. “But I’m more scared of what will happen if we don’t fight now.”

Daphne gripped her hands tightly. “Potter’s lot will probably attack us as soon as they see us.”

That was probably true. Pansy looked around the room again. The others were starting to talk. The younger students were crying. No one was sure enough about the Dark Lord to feel confident in any outcome. But they didn’t look like they would ever fight. They’d never been taught to fight anything head on. Their usual tactics were useless now.

A thought came to her and she tugged at her tie. Once it was thrown to the ground, she tore off her robes until she was only wearing the clothes underneath that showed no house affiliation. Daphne caught on and surprised her by following suit.

Across the room, Blaise shouldered past some of the younger students and did the same before drawing his wand and nodding solemnly at her. Theo followed him, though he looked ready to faint.

“You’re right,” Blaise said to her, before looking at Theo and taking his hand. “About all of it.”

Theo seemed to grip his hand back so tight his knuckles went white. Pansy hadn’t intended for them to react to that message, that had really been for Daphne, but she’d take all the help she could get.

She turned back to Daphne and threw out all the rules she knew. She stepped close and kissed her. She kissed her like she might never kiss her again. For all she knew, she would never have another chance. Daphne clung to her and returned her desperation. When they parted, Daphne was crying and shaking, but she drew her wand and nodded to her.

“Damned on our own terms then?” she said with a wobbly voice.

Pansy took her other hand and turned to the door. “If we can’t live life on our own terms then what’s the point in living?”

With more determination than she thought she had, she blasted the door open.

Damned on their own terms sounded just about right.

**Author's Note:**

> Thought I'd try out a new ship since the prompt was stumping me for so long =) Needed a break from all the fluff and romance too, I'm a sucker for angst.
> 
> Also didn't think I'd make an edit for this one but wound up making one anyway, it's on tumblr and insta like the rest, and in fact I'm trying out posting the fic and edit separately this time =)


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